He looked up when she told him to, thinking she actually wanted him to look at her rather than it being a way of talking. He caught on quickly enough though, and he shook his head a little at what she said as his fingers tightened around her hand. ”No no, don’t say that.” He argued, a small pout growing on his lip. ”It’s just a lot to take in, you know? For me it is, anyway. I see why you- I mean, I know it’s not really that-” He was stumbling in his words, not knowing how to finish the sentence or what to say.
Why was he feeling so stressed out? It was just Eunsook for crying out loud! With his free hand he reached up to rub his forehead, closing his eyes as if a moment of darkness would calm him down, because he needed to. There was no reason for him to get worked up about this. It was fine, he told himself, he didn’t need to do all of the things Eunsook had said right away, maybe he never had to. So why? Why?! Why on earth was it getting hard for him to breathe? Why was he afraid? Why was his hands beginning to tremble? Why couldn’t he seem to calm down when there was nothing to worry about?
"Minho?" her hand moved from his face, a worried frown taking over her features as she got up out of her seat and moved around the table. The shake in his voice and fingers made her see just how big this was for him, she couldn’t have even begun to imagine. she couldn’t help but feel like she was to blame but, at the same time, how were either of them meant to know he would react this way? Minho hadn’t been in this position before and there was no way Eunsook could have known if he hadn’t. She still felt bad though, but she tried to push that aside because at that moment Minho was the main priority.
"Yeobo…?" she crouched down in front of him, so not to be looming over it, and didn’t even care about the state the floor could be in as she carefully took his hands in hers again and laced their fingers together. She didn’t know what to say, it was obivous that neither of them were expecting a reaction like this "Minho, take deep breaths for me…"
He nodded some, looking down at their joint hands as she spoke. She had so many plans, it was almost overwhelming to Minho. A couple of months ago he had doubted he would live much longer, and now there he was in a coffee shop making plans for the future with his girlfriend as if it was the most natural thing in the world.
He didn’t know why, but he felt his heartbeat race and it was almost like he felt stressed out, as if all of these plans were too much for him to take in all at once. He knew it would take a long time for Eunsook to get her license, that wasn’t just done overnight. And they had been talking about him getting hobbies, she had mentioned moving from their current home, and even maybe Minho getting to learn how to drive himself. Knowing how long all of that would take, it made him relaize just how far into the future Eunsook was talking about; Minho wasn’t used to even consider making plans that far ahead. In the past, whenever thinking about his own future, he had seen nothing but darkness and despair so he had just decided to not think about it. Ever. And he hadn’t done that.
Minho’s hand turned in Eunsook’s so his palm was facing her’s, and he looked up at her with a small nod of his head. ”Well, let’s just take one thing at a time, yeah?” He said, trying his best not to sound hesitant again as he fiddled with the crown shaped ring on Eunsook’s finger.
"Sure baby" she replied softly, trying to catch his gaze. She wondered if she had been loading too much on too soon, even if the things she was saying were things that would take time and would gradually occur rather than all at once. For her it was hard to imagine exactly what was going on in Minho’s head, how much easier it must be for him to become overwhelmed by things she simply took in her stride. They both had things to get use to, she had to learn to slow down and Minho needed to learn that plans and the future weren’t always bad. They both had to grow together.
"But look at me" she continued, trying to lighten the situation again "I’m getting so ahead of myself. Lets just see where things take us" she smiled softly, wiggling her fingers in Minho’s grip "Nae?" she asked "And tell me if I am going too fast for you to handle….I won’t mind, I just won’t know until you say"
She reached over with her other hand, cupping Minho’s cheek in her hand and letting her small fingers press against his skin “I won’t get angry if you tell me to slow down or anything. We both still have some way to go before we both properly understand each other I think”
[I’m having to borrow a laptop but it is sooo old T_T. It wouldn’t bother me if it wasn’t for the sound card making everything sound a but muffled eugh. Oh well….at least I have something]
He smiled some, looking up at her as he listened to what she said. ”It’s not like I would be devestated or anything if we were to move now.” He said, letting go of his cup to reach out across the table to take hold of Eunsook’s hand. ”I guess I just need some time.”
"And that’s fine" she gave Minho’s hand a soft squeeze "Really, I mean it, because I know I’m not going anywhere and hopefully you aren’t either, we have all the time we need for these things so what’s the point in rushing? The time will be right when we are both ready, and not a moment before"
She gave Minho’s hand another squeeze, lacing their fingers together “And on that note, it looks like it will definitely be a car then~” she laughed softly “Having a car will help a lot when we are both ready to move, if we do move, anyway…and when your reading is a little more polished we could get you a license too, if you want to try obviously, then either of us could drive the car. That would be good for you when the weather is bad….then you won’t have to walk through it to get to work” She paused for a moment before adding “And don’t worry about money, okay baby? I know that is harder for you but, trust me, I wouldn’t even be laying these things on the table if the money wasn’t there. I’m better off than my lifestyle lets on”
”I’m sorry.” He apoligized, his voice being more of a sigh. He knew Eunsook wouldn’t have brought up the idea of moving if it wasn’t something she wanted to do, and he was afraid he had let her down or dissappointed her with his hestance.
It did reassure him a little how sincere she seemed, how concerned she was for his well being. Of course he knew it wouldn’t be the end of the world if they were to move, but it was like she understood where his doubt was coming from although he hadn’t said anything. It was like he didn’t need a reason, not really. As long as he wasn’t 100% sure that he wanted to move, she wouldn’t make him.
"There nothing to aplogize for, pabo" she replied, a soft smile still on her face "We are a couple and so decisions should be made together. If you aren’t sure then one half of me isn’t sure, and that means it’s simply not time okay baby? I would be upset if you lied and said you were okay with it if you weren’t, I would rather you be truthful"
He stayed silent for another moment even after it seemed like Eunsook had finished talking and was waiting to hear a reply.
It did sound nice to have a place to call ours like she said but… the apartment they lived in now had been Minho’s first home. Sure, it was a bit small and only intended for one person and maybe an animal or two, and maybe they could use some more storage space, some more rooms to put to use, but still, he didn’t want to leave his home just yet. He just couldn’t see himsel anywhere else, it was like his brain refused to accept the idea of him feeling content and at home anywhere else.
Suddenly though, it struck him; that apartment held many sore memories for Eunsook. It was where she had lived when she had met her ex-husband. Sometiems it was like he just forgot that Eunsook had been married not too long ago, it was surreal. Either way, that was probably the reason why she had thought of getting away from it. As if that meant leaving her old life behind or something.
Minho suddenly realized that he hadn’t said anything yet, that while he had dived into his own thoughts Eunsook had been looking at him and waiting for a reply. He had just been sitting there, staring absentmidedly into his cup of coffee.
”Ah, sorry.” He spoligized as he raised is gaze to look at his girlfriend again. ”It would be nice, yeah…” His voice trailed off as he once again looked into his cup, but he stopped himself before he dissappeared into his own head again. ”Well, it’s your money, and it would be you spending the time studying to get your driver’s license. I’l support whatever desicion you make as I don’t oppose of either of them. But seeing as it’s your money, your business and your apartment the desicion should be with you. I think that’s only fair.”
He smiled reassuringly at her as he finally raised his cup to have a sip of the steaming hot brew.
"My money or not if we were to move you would be involved with that too, so your opinion is just as important" she insisted, her hands wrapping around her mug as she looked at him. He seemed hesitant, though why that was she wasn’t exactly sure. She knew there could be a lot of reasons though, and so she tried to not jump to conclusions, instead she just smiled softly at him as her fingers pressed against her mug.
"You became more hesitant when the idea of moving came up" she observed, her head tilting to the side a little "so I think that hesitance answers my question more than anything you could say would manage…we’ll leave moving for now, there is no need to rush. We have all the time in the world so we can take that step when we are both ready”
There were things about the apartment she would like to leave behind, and the idea of their home really being their home was something that sounded nice. But she didn’t want to rush Minho, or push him towards something he wasn’t ready for, and so there was no need to rush. It was hard for her to grasp everything he was feeling, as their experiences of life had been so different, but a part of her couldn’t help but think that maybe he still wasn’t used to having her apartment as a home, and so anything new and larger was daunting to him.
She smiled softly at him, to show that she didn’t mind either way, and lifted her drink up to her lips to take a sip. She wanted to do things that would make them both happy, and if moving wasn’t going to do that then they simply wouldn’t move. Easy as that.