wow i’m so picky for an ugly person
He wanted to reach out and grab her as she walked past him, to stop her from going away and to just hold her, to tell her it would be fine, but he didn’t. He was frozen in place. Would she believe him if he started going on about how he would never leave her unless she told him to? No, probably not. She had heard that before and look how that went. Was this how it had started for her and Taemin? Had he too believed deep down that he would live with her forever? Had he too found a home in her unlike anything else? Probably. Why else would he have married her?
As he stood there, unable to move, he kept repeating to himself that doubting his own feelings would do no good. He knew he wouldn’t stop loving the girl, but the way he had been acting recently… would it make her believe his feelings were fading? Would she leave him for what she thought was his own good? It did sound like something she could make herself do…
No! He wouldn’t allow him to think that way. No! They needed to end this whole arguement, they needed to be happy again.
With a determined shake of his head he took another deep breath and turned around before following Eunsook into the room in the back of the shop. He made carefully sure she heard him before stepping in behind her, leaning down to rest his head on her shoulder, his arms still crossed over his chest.
”Hey.” He mumbled, his voice calm and almost soft. ”Let’s go to that island soon, yeah? We need it.”
She was putting the mug into the small cupboard when she felt Minho’s head land on her shoulders. She didn’t tense up, nor did she get scared, as she had heard the man coming, but she didn’t relax under his touch like she normally would do.
He was right, they did need it. But, at the same time, she didn’t want things to get to a point where they needed a ‘we need to fix this’ holiday rather than just a calming and relaxing vacation. She guessed it had reached that point though, at least it seemed that way, and so she nodded in reply as she closed the cupboard door.
"Yeah…" she replied, a sigh in her voice "We could probably use a break…"
At first he didn’t understand what she meant. After he had yelled at her, insulted her friend and just let out most of what had been keeping him up during the past few nights, she still said he was holding things back? As she kept speaking though he realized that this wasn’t about the arguement at all. He ahd asked how she could say he was recoiling from her, and this was the answer he got.
”I- I’m sorry.” Was all he managed to say at first. How long had this been going on? How long had he been scaring her like this? Surely it must’ve worried her, he thought, as he knew it would’ve terrified him if it was her acting like he had been. Since Jonghyun had payed him a visit? No, probably ever since they came home from the hospital. He had drawn himself too far into his own thoughts to appreciate the fact that they were alive, that they didn’t have to live in fear. He had forgotten to appreciate that after all she had stayed with him, and now he was just pushing her away without noticing.
”I didn’t realize I was acting that way. I never- I didn’t mean to-” His thoughts weren’t making sense, they didn’t form porperly before they left his mouth. It made him completely unable to speak or say anything that, well, sounded like an actual sentence.
He could say that he would make an effort to change, that he would to his best to snap out of it and pay more attention to her. That everything would go back to the way it used to be no matter how much they both wanted it. But he couldn’t. He didn’t know what to tell her.
She simply nodded a little, not saying anything more on the matter. She knew he would say that, that he never meant to, but at the same time Taemin had said the same and look at how that ended up. She was just worried of what could happen, what the future could bring, but she knew that there wasn’t really anything she could do. She guessed she would have to just accept things as they happened, as it wasn’t as if she had much power over things anyway…the past few weeks had taught her that well enough.
"Okay" she said quietly, pushing the ladder away before going back to the coffee table to grab her now cold cup of tea. In the back of her mind she noticed that whenever this sort of thing happened, whenever she spoke her mind, she just seemed to cause damage and she couldn’t help but sigh lightly at the thought.
"Okay" she repeated, honestly not knowing what else to say, before moving through to the back of the shop to clean the mug and put it away.
He sat there for a moment, debating on wether to actually just leave it and go away or continue the arguement. It would be easier on the short tun to just leave it. He could go up to the apartment, have a shower, and though they might be a bit silent and awkward for some time it would have to fade eventually. It would go back to normal.
On the long run though, it would be the worst thing possible he could do. No, he thought, they needed the closure. They needed to talk this out. If he left now, leaving Eunsook to think that she was indeed just being stupid and that her arguements weren’t valid, everything could surface again and reopen the wounds which would make everything worse. No, he needed her to forgive him, he needed to forgive her.
He stood, and for a moment the only noice that filled the little shop was the sound of Minho’s feet hitting the floor as he walked in between the shelves he had seen Eunsook disappear into earlier. He leaned against the shelves and crossed his arms over his chest as he watched her.
”No.” He said calmly. ”No, I won’t forget this. And you’re not being stupid. I anyone is it’s me, I’m the one overreacting and not understanding. I’m sorry, jagi.”
Maybe it wasn’t the best time to use her nickname, but it passed his lips so naturally he didn’t realize he had said it before it was too late. Maybe it was the softness they needed in that moment though.
”Please, tell me what’s on your mind. I won’t get mad.”
Her fingers stilled over the ladded when Minho appeared next to her, the pads of her fingers barely brushing the varnished wood in front of her as she kept her gaze cast downwards at one of the lower steps on the ladder. She wasn’t exactly looking, her eyes were just pointing that way, and as a result the colours from numerous book’s spines blurred and merged in her unfocused vision as she stayed silent for a few slow moments.
She was split. On one hand she knew that she probably should mention it, even if she was scared of what could happen as a result, but the thing was that she had no idea of what to say or how to say it. She knew what she thought but when she tried to put those thoughts into words it just didn’t work, everything became jumbled and hectic, and it was as if her mind just couldn’t figure it out.
"You’re holding back" she said quietly, barely lifting her head to look at him. Her hair was shorter now, as she had gotten it cut to even out the damage done to it, but the ends of her hair still brushed over and caressed her covered shoulders as she moved her head "It’s like you don’t see me the same any more since…well…since you know what happened. It’s like maybe you don’t feel like you can rely on me like you have before, that I am just something to protect and…it’s made you so distant and quiet" She bit her lip, looking down a little "I know you aren’t the most talkative, I know that you have gained some emotional baggage from this like I have but….it’s sometimes like I am a completely different person to you"
”W-what?!” The man stuttered as his eyes widened when he listened to his girlfriend. ”I never said they were diseased! I never said I see them as somethings! You’re the one saying that! I’m just scared and I want to understand and I don’t see why I haven’t been told but…” He paused and shook his head, taking a deep breath before continuing.
”Okay, okay. Fine. So you promised not to tell anyone, I’ll believe you did it with good intentions. I’ll give in! Let’s forget about that, but what does all of this have anything to do with you? How am I recoiling from you? Where does that come from?” He asked in disbelief, not understanding what in the world she was talking about.
She was overreacting, he was porobably too though he was unable to see it at the moment. He just couldn’t see why she was turning on him like this! Minho had been the one to be shocked and suprised all of a sudden when he was already in a weaker state of mind! He had been the one to be attacked by a demon, or whatever! As far as he knew he couldn’t remember damaging any of Eunsook’s friends, and he would never do that either.
"You…I just-" she cut off, shaking her head, before turning around so she could walk amongst the shelves. She moved books around, making it seem like she was working, but it was as if she was using the shelves as shields as she went between them. She bit her lip, she knew they came on strong but she was just so scared…she was scared for Jonghyun. The things she had heard, the things that had been explained to her, it made the any sign of a lack of acceptance send her mind into overdrive.
Minho though, he hadn’t been the same. She wasn’t talking about emotionally or anything like that, as she knew they both still needed time, but there were some things that she just didn’t understand, that she couldn’t take.
"No, it doesn’t matter. Just forget it, forget it" her voice cracked a little as she spoke and she shook her head vigorously as she became hidden behind another set of shelves. There was silence for a moment before the sound of the ladder being pulled over could be heard, even though she had finished restocking before Minho had even made it home.
"I’m sorry…I’m just being stupid, I’m sorry" It was as if all of the anger had faded from her at once and, if Minho could see her he would have seen her shoulders slumping and her head dropping forward a little. Maybe this was just how things were meant to go? Maybe things were meant to drift….Taemin faded further when she tried to talk about it, he vanished completely, so if she kept her mouth shut then maybe Minho would stay. It wasn’t worth it, voicing her worries wasn’t worth it.
ANONYMOUS PLAY TIME! (or not, up to you)
Send me one of these and I’ll answer.
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The slap shut him up, a gasp escaping his lips as he shut his eyes tightly, reaching up to try and cover his head from the pain erupting from his still healing ear. It wasn’t too painful, but it did made his ears ring again. What hurt more was realizing what his girlfriend had actually done, what he had made her do. No, he wouldn’t cry about it. This wasn’t the time to break down again. His anger would defend him.
When he looked up again she wasn’t next to him on the seat, and he didn’t have a choice but to listen to her as she yelled at him in defene of her friend. He didn’t know what to think of her speach, it was like the fear and confusion had hardened his skin so her words couldn’t sink properly in. He listened to her though until she was finished and he finally had a chance to speak.
”Exactly.” He said, his voice much more silent now though it was still trembling a little. ”Exactly, I don’t know what they’ve gone through, I don’t know what has happened to them, because you didn’t tell me.” He noticed how she was going to argue, but he held his hand up so he could finish.
”I understand why, I understand that you wanted to protect them because they are a part of your family and everything, but I am too! I was hoping, after everything that has happened lately and after everything we’v been through, that you’d trust me enough to know that I’m not going to be a danger to them.” He sounded more hurt than angry now, and his furious expression was gone, having been replaced by one of worry and disappointment.
"I just said that I couldn’t tell you!" She replied, throwing her hands up into the air. She was furious, so angry, why couldn’t he understand? She was stuck in the middle and now he was twisting it all to make it seem like she didn’t trust him. Of course she trusted him, she was in a relationship with him, but there was more to it than just that.
"I never said I don’t trust you, I was being trusted not to tell. I was keeping a promise, it has nothing to do with how much I trust those around me. I never told Taemin, I’ve never told Luna or Gwiboon or Lights…I’ve never told a soul! If I have promised not to say then God himself could be there and I wouldn’t even tell him!"
She was gripping onto the bottom of the bottom of her jumper, her nails digging into the thin weave. It was as if he was only hearing what he wanted to hear.
"But you knowing seems to make you react like he is some sort of disease or something anyway! Something is wrong with him you said. Does that mean something is wrong with Mephisto then? Luca too? Are they all ‘somethings’ to you? Is there something wrong with all of them? It seems as if, even if you aren’t a danger even though I never said you were, you are recoiling from the thought of them even existing, recoiling from me!"